Mysterious ways

Do you know how grief feels?

It is not pain but lingers like that

Similar to holding your heart in your hand and watch it burn

Do you know how grief feels?

Its when you stitch up your eyes slowly as if closing a wound

And then rip them open because you couldn't breath

Do you know how that feels?

And do you know how salt feels in those eyes?

And on breasts where you flayed them with your own nails

Or on raw fingertips

After you plucked off the nails in disgust

Do you know how grief feels?

When each pore on your body is either a pustule or a canker

And you cannot get rid of the stench?

And you wander from room to room

Looking for a prepared place  

Where they would put the body on a plank

To bathe and shroud it

And if you asked them ever so nicely

To bathe and shroud you instead

They'd tell you to get hold of yourself

Because God works in mysterious ways

Do you know how grief feels to hear that?

I do!

Just as I know that God is not a mother